As you know I have 3 children. The first two were VERY well behaved babies and toddlers for the most part. I could reprimand them with minimal scolding or hand swats. My third, notsomuch, let's just say that he is very different...
I have puzzled over this matter for many hours wondering is it because I am doing something different? No, I mean things are a little different, but I am not easier on him than the other two. Here is what the Lord has imparted to me.
Being a parent, as you probably know, helps us to become selfless(hopefully!) and more like Jesus Christ--servantlike. Caleb was given to us because we had A LOT more work that needed to be done. Apparently, my rough edges had not been smoothed down at all with the first two! And now, I am struggling.
I have been praying for the last year that the Lord would search my heart and use the fire of His Holy Spirit to cleanse my heart to make me more like Him(I do not tell you this because I think that I am anything great--I am not, quite the opposite actually--I am in desperate need of change). It just so happens that He will give you anything that you ask as long as it is not to consume upon the lusts of your flesh!
OH MY GOODNESS!!! I never thought that there could be SO much darkness and sin in ONE heart... And He often uses my little man to show me. Because honestly, Caleb wears me out. And sometimes I get grumbly and say things like "I cannot wait for him to grow up he breaks EVERYTHING!!! I just want my stuff to stay nice and I just want my house to be safe and I and my blahblahblah!!!" Then the Holy Spirit is quick to show me my selfish thinkin', imagine! I asked for it! Of course there is grace, praise Jesus, and of course His mercies endure forever thank you GOD, but that does not negate the fact that I am having a VERY difficult time enjoying being a mommy with this one. I am constantly needing the gently reminder from the Lord that being a mom is an act of servanthood--selflessness, for some reason I do not do that well. Is this normal? Or, am I a spoiled brat? Sometimes I am merely treading water with the parenting of this wee one.
All of that to say that God has a WHOLE LOT of work to do in me! SO as I draw closer to Him the sinful condition of my flesh becomes more obvious and that much more detestable because honestly there are MANY days that I feel like I may be barely moving forward toward a more Christlike nature. It certainly is a very good thing that we never "arrive"...
Jesus Please help me to be more like you, I am failing soooo much!!! I need you. Help me, Lord. AMEN.
God bless and I hope that I am not alone in this!